En Vie
by IceCrome
Summary: Matt figures out a very hidden secret; his parents are very much alive. MattMello
1. I

_I'd like to let you know that, in the process of changing my story chapters so I could change my penname (I put ICE at the fuckin' first part of my AN. Not smart. At all.) I fucked up the story plot pretty bad._

_I can't fix it, since I deleted the file that contained it._

_But I'm not deleting it, because it was my first and currently only story with 100 reviews._

_So keep in mind, if you read this, the plot is horrible._


	2. II

_Fuckin' AC/DC stuck in my head. YES. DIRTY DEEDS __ARE__ DONE CHEAP, DAMMIT._

_Characters © Ohba and Obata_

_And some Matt/Mello fluff thrown in there for good measure. _

_--------------------------_

**Fuck. **Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

This isn't happening. This can't be happening. I was going…I would…This…this isn't happening.

"How?! How did we miss Russia?!" I said, rather loudly but not screaming so much. The Asian man frowned.

"Well, I guess you two just overslept. Nobody took those seats, I suppose."

"You don't understand. This is kind of a huge deal to me. Like, supernova huge." He sighed.

"I don't know what I can do. We'll be landing in about five minutes or so in the northern part of Greece." Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit. Crap. Damn. Hell. I really, really, really want to just keel over and die like some old fart.

I collapsed into my chair. Mello hadn't said anything, just a bit shocked that we would probably have to walk through three countries just to get to goddamned Russia. I didn't have a map, and I always sucked at Geography, so I had no idea if that was right or not.

After we had gotten off the plane, my legs literally felt like jelly. Mello was behind me, pretty much going to catch me if I suddenly fainted or something. Which I probably was going to.

Oh yes. Then I realized we couldn't get our luggage because it was in our actual destination. Fuck on a stick.

I went to the nearest chair and sat. I just sat. I felt pretty broken inside. Like a fuckin' shell. I know it sounds angsty and emo, but damn. It was just the worst feeling ever. Mello gave me a friendly hug. The kind of hug that a chick would give to cheer her friend up. Comforting, I guess.

Though it felt really weird when he just…um…slightly pressed his lips to the top of my head. Slightly. Please produce the greatest 'D-colon' face in the world.

Yeah, but weirder was I didn't push him off or anything. Yes. Project Runway has made me gay. Damn Christian and his fierceness.

"Look Matt. We WILL find your parents. I'm going to get you there, 'kay? Even if we have to walk." It felt oddly comforting that he'd actually gave a damn about my well-being. But I shouldn't be surprised. He is my best friend, after all.

"What about your damn chocolate? You get all pissy about it when you don't have it." Mello smirked.

"I stashed some in your backpack when you weren't looking." Of course…

"Well, what the hell are we supposed to do? We're in f'in Greece, man."

"How much money we got?"

"Enough. But not enough to buy two more plane tickets. Shit dude, this sucks. This sucks like a hermaphrodite fucker." I said, not really knowing where in the hell _that_ came from. The depths of hell, probably.

"…well…I have an idea."

-

Do not ever trust Mello's ideas. Never. Again.

Ever.

Here I am, running for a damn train. Well, not a train per se. Like a train that delivers packages and stuff. I can't remember the exact name for it, so just go with it, alright? Alright.

Mello had already gotten on it, and I was going as fast as my damn legs could go. He reached his hand, and I finally managed to grasp onto it. He pulled me up into the train, and I sat down, dangling my feet over the edge.

"Well. This is…exciting. How exactly did we do this again?"

Apparently, Mello had a 'mental breakdown'. And he wasn't faking it. Really. He claimed that the ticket-taker was the Loch Ness Monster, because they asked for tree-fitty. He went batshit insane uh_gain_. The ticket-taker went insane, went over to a nearby phone, and started calling 911. I just grabbed his wrist and ran like a bat outta hell.

And here we were. Sitting on a baggage cart. Is that what they're called? I can't remember.

"Well. This day has been epic. Unnecessarily epic. Disgruntling. Actually, this day has sucked. Badly." I leaned back. The cart was really, really dusty. Painted red, but it was chipping.

"At least we're both alive. Gimme some chocolate." I sighed, reaching into my backpack and pulling out a Ghirardelli.

"How long will this take us?" He shrugged.

"Hell if I know. Hey, it's getting dark." I leaned my head on his shoulder.

"You're my person."

"Gay." He said, prompting me to roll my eyes. Friggin' Grey's. It's not even that good a show. Frickin' Linda…

"Ha. Funny. You're _hilarious_." We fell asleep. On each other. Again.

I don't think he noticed that I was holding his hand.

-

After a while, we finally woke up, and we just saw the station which it was puling up at. We hopped off, grabbing our bags and heading off. I saw a man, with a scruffy beard, and asked him where we were. He spoke broken English.

"Excuse me sir, where are we."

"You…are in…Romania…" Well, at least we were getting closer. Ish. I don't know. I just want to get to Russia so bad. But it was weird. We slept through an entire trip through Bulgaria? Weird.

But questioning logic was un-Christian.

"How far do you think it is to Russia?"

"Many miles. Many, many miles. Can't be exact." I grimaced. That was not a good sign.

"Oh cheer up, will ya? We'll get there." He smiled cheerfully. Ish. As cheerful as Mello could get, I guess.

Happy Mello is not a good sign. The apocalypse must be coming.

"Mello, are you good at Geography? I always sucked at it. I passed it because the teacher liked me for some oddly explainable reason."

"Romania to Russia…Uh, if we go through Moldova and Ukraine we could get there." I thought for a moment.

"Better than walking from Greece, I guess. Come on. We've got a ways to go." Mello scowled.

"Idiot, how exactly are we going to get there? Walking, yes, but directions? Besides, I don't know Ukrainian! I can't ask people." I blinked, forgetting about that important detail.

"Well shit. We need, like, a map or something. We're probably in the bottom to middle part of Romania, so if we keep going north, we've gotta find something."

"Well that's a bright idea, but we don't know if we're heading to Moldova or Bulgaria or Hungary."

"Mello, we came from Bulgaria, which means we came from," I pointed south, "that way. And if we came from the south, then Hungary is that way," I pointed west, "and Moldova is north. So just keep heading north, dammit."

"So we have to go through Moldova and Ukraine, huh?"

Three countries. We had to go through three countries. Not by plane or train. But walking.

Walking.

…fuck.

--------------------------

_I hated this chapter. I REALLY did. I had to make it short because the amount of suckage was burning my retinas. _

_So R&R if you still love me. Slash pity me. _


	3. III

_I briefly changed my penname. To Kamekazi. But changed it back within a half-hour._

'_Kay then._

_Characters © Ohba & Obata_

_---------------------------_

**Ow**. Shit. Fuck. Ow. Fucking. Walking.

I. Hate. Walking. I hate it. Walking sucks. Walking is the worst method of transportation ever. It should be hit with a shovel and thrown into the sea.

"Ow. Ow. Ow, goddamn it!" My feet hurt more and more with each step I took. We walked along some abandoned train tracks that nobody even used any more. I know that because I saw a sign a mile or so back that looked like it was from the Mesozoic Era.

"Matt for the love of Jesus _quit your bitching_. My feet hurt too, y'know. You're not alone, dammit." I closed my eyes, and counted to ten, trying to ignore the _goddamn pain in my feet._

"I really, really, really wished that my parents lived in Romania right now. That would just be splendid." He rolled his eyes, stopping for a quick moment to rub his feet.

"Fuckin' train tracks aren't making this any easier. Oh, dammit, finally. I think I see the end." And we did. We saw a sign, in Romanian. Or whatever the language is. 'Moldova 85 miles'. Fuck!

"Mello, we might have to steal a car."

"…You serious?"

"I'm not walking anymore. 'Sides, how many times have I done this?" He narrowed his eyes.

"Alright, but be careful."

-

"Shit, Mello! Get in the damn car! GET IN THE CAR!" We were both fifteen, but I had stolen a car before. Got in some _real _deep shit with Roger, though. Went to juvie for a week and had to stay in my quarters, only leaving for school and meals. I was such a badass. Still am.

"Matt, drive, dammit! DRIVE." I drove the retard-looking Romanian car. It was as if the creator had been drunk and started putting crap on it. Like how God made Rosie O' Donnell.

"Fuckin…we BETTER not get caught, dipshit. If we do, I will fucking kill you." Mello took a bite of his chocolate that he randomly spawned from his bottomless pocket from hell. I went as fast as I could possibly go, trying to see if the Romanian police were going to come after me. I checked. Apparently they were all incompetent assholes. But I'm not complaining.

"Dude, we're like the fucking Blues Brothers, minus the destroying the mall part." I eyed an upcoming mall.

"No."

"Alright, whatever. We'll be in Moldova in a few hours." I sighed, and let up on the pedal a bit.

"Matt, did it ever occur to you that Russia is fucking huge? I mean, Roger didn't tell you what city they live in, dipshit. How are we going to find it?"

…Oh.

…Shit. He's right.

"…Well, didn't exactly plan _that _out very well. But seriously. Jeevas is not a common last name, so…cross your fingers and pray they're famous?"

"I shall." Mello did exactly as he said, but his prayer was…not prayer-like.

"_Oh lord, please let my dipshit of a best friend find his parents, who, although we don't know where in the hell they live, we will miraculously find._" I glared at him briefly.

"Thanks for the encouragement, tool." I drove as fast as I could, seeing yet another sign in Romanian or whatever the hell the native language was. Moldova, 65 miles. At least we were getting closer. Sort of.

"This is so f'in annoying. Why in god's name did this 'adventure' have to happen to me?"

"Don't say adventure. We're not on the Goddamn Disney Channel."

"Whatever. I wish we could teleport. But no. It's un-_Christian!_"

"What in the hell do you mean?"

"I don't know. Look, just shut up, alright? I'm babbling so I can keep my mind off of the shit that's going on."

"Whatever…just don't get Abasiophilia." _What?_

"…I…I don't plan on it." I slowly turned my attention back to the road. Ugh. This would take a while.

-

Three…fucking…hours…I've been driving this uncomfortable car.

Mello was lucky and got to sleep. He laid his head against the window. He looked so…peaceful. Angry!Mello was disgruntling after a while.

I started to nod off, but forced myself to drive. I saw a sign that said 'Moldova, 35 miles' so we were get-.

…What was that sound?

_Beep. Beep._

Oh. _**SHIT.**_

Gas. GAS. How could I forget about gas?! We were down pretty low. I blinked, and drove the car as fast as I possibly could. Fucking gas station. Must drive fast. Must not hit anything. Must not wake up Mello for the fear of loosing my colon. Hurry! Go faster, car!

Shit. SHIT. It's so f-ing close to the E now. Or whatever that it. I don't know. It's like…squiggles.

"Fuck. Fuck! No! Dammit!" I floored the living hell out of the pedal, and went so damn fast I was like motherfucking Michael J. Fox.

I pressed on, but had to brake suddenly because a fucking _stoplight _was on the highway. What the hell!?

"Aw, dammit! Matt, what the hell?!"

"Nearly out of gas, must hurry. Going as fast as I possibly can." I glanced at the gas-thing. So. Freaking. Close.

"Mello, do you see a sign?"

"Uh, yeah."

"What does it say?"

"Moldova, 25 miles." Fuck, I was hauling.

"Okay, only twenty-five more miles. On a near-empty tank of gas." Fuuuuuuuuck. Stupid Romanians don't make their cars fast enough!

"Matt, go! I'm not walking again!"

"Well frankly, I don't know if you have a choice, dammit!" I gritted my teeth and pressed harder. My god, now I sound like I'm in a porno.

"Go! Go faster, little car!" I pressed the damn pedal as hard as I could.

"Matt, go faster!"

"I'm going as fast as I possibly can!" I looked around and saw only a few cars around, honking their horns. Thank god there aren't any police around.

"Moldova, 18 miles! Matt, hurry!" I damn near broke the pedal. I looked at the speedometer. At least…I _think _it was the speedometer.

"Almost ninety miles an hour and we still aren't getting their fast enough! Go!" I yelled at the car. I pressed as hard as I could and then…

And then the car stopped.

Right in the middle of the highway. Stopped.

"…Fuck."

--------------------------

_Contrary to last chapter, I like the ending and the chapter._

_I don't know how long this story will be. Honestly._

_R&R betches. _


	4. IV

_Actual romance! Only not well-written. Unsurprisingly._

_Characters © Ohba and Obata_

_--------------------------_

"**What** in the hell were you thinking?!" Mello screamed at me. We were on the side of the highway, fighting. He was uber pissed that I forgot to fill up the gas tank.

"Look, you didn't say anything either!"

"I didn't steal the f-in car!"

"You didn't have any qualms about it!"

"Matt, just shut the fuck up, alright?"

"Shut the fuck up?! Mello, you're not just going to tell me that!"

"I just did you _cunt_!" I gritted my teeth. I was about a second away from tackling him.

"Don't call me a cunt you fucking asshole!" A car passed by us, and I could see the people giving us strange looks. Yes, we were quite loud.

"_I'm_ the asshole?! I expected to be in Russia right now, not walking in fucking Romania!"

"You didn't wake up either! That was partly your fault!"

"Matt, you are such a dick!" I breathed in heavily, calming myself down as much as I could.

"Let's just go. If we can make it to Moldova, we can pool together enough money to get a hotel room." Mello gritted his teeth, and walked behind me.

This has been the worst day of my entire life.

-

We still didn't speak to each other.

Hell, we didn't even _look_ at each other.

We had managed to walk about six miles it took in about two hours. Long time, yes? Well, we put our money together (by saying little more than three sentences total) and got a room in a basic hotel. Nothing filthy, like some motel that you take hookers, but basic, boring. Normal.

We both sat in silence for a while, taking in the loveliness of the floor and wallpaper. I quickly glanced at him, but he refused to let his eyes even grace over my body. Ew. That sounded weird. And I can't rephrase it. Crap.

Anyway, I didn't want to turn on the t.v because then it'd be like I'd blown this whole fight over. But I didn't. The asshole called me a dick and I'm not letting that go.

After about ten minutes we finally made eye contact. We held it. We didn't break it. It was awkward as hell.

"…sorry…" I muttered.

"Hn?"

"I'm sorry. It was my fault. I stole the car and forgot to fill it up. I should've taken responsibility."

"…Sorry for calling you a dick." I held out my hand.

"Friends?"

"Hellz yeah." He shook it, with a grin on his face. A genuine one. Which was nice for a change. Badass Mello was nice, but it's a relief to finally see something other than insane/deranged mode Mello.

"We should probably get to sleep. It's fairly late." He said. I looked at the one bed there was. And shrugged. Who cares? We weren't going to have passionate sex in the queen-sized bed. Spooning at most.

…am I going gay? I was thinking about spooning with my _male_ best friend. _Male. _Christian may be awesome in many, many ways, but I need to stop watching that show. It has/will make me a homosexual. In the near future.

"Yea." I walked over to the bed, and crawled in, not bothering to take off my clothes. "Night Mel."

And we spooned.

Nice.

-

I yawned, waking up to an unruly bed with strewn about sheets. I heard running water, so Mello was undoubtedly showering.

I stretched out, and started to play Pokemon Diamond while I waited for Mello to finish. He liked cold showers, so I didn't have to worry about not having hot water.

"Fuckin' Cynthia. You were lucky and got a Milotic, while I search endlessly for a frickin' Feebas to evolve into said Milotic." I saw Mello step out, towel covering him.

"Good morning starshine, the earth says hello." He said with bitter sarcasm. I rolled my eyes as obviously as I could.

"Hn. Get dressed. I gotta shower, and then we can eat and go the thirteen miles it takes to get to Moldova."

"Sounds like a plan."

"A sucky one. I could always jack another car." Mello narrowed his eyes and grimaced.

"Alright. Point taken. Get dressed." I saved my game and went into the bathroom. It was small, clean; regular. Like a hospital bathroom. Only with a bit more color than just white. This hotel was so freakin' boring I just wanted to shout garglemesh.

Or swear.

Yes. Swearing. That sounds so nice right now.

I undressed, and turned on the shower, making sure it wasn't blisteringly hot or so cold I was the size of an atom.

I took the sample bottle of shampoo. It was Yellow stuff with the hotel brand in Romanian. And leaves. It had to look nature-ey so people wouldn't mistake it for yellow candle wax that made your hair feel like string. But still. It was the only thing I had.

After about ten minutes, I got out and dried myself off. I put to towel around my waist, and went to get some clothes. Mello was eating chocolate and reading some book.

"Matt, quick question. How the hell are we going to eat? We don't have any food."

…well crap. Didn't think that one through.

"How much money do we have?"

"A couple hundred bucks. This room was real cheap, so…we can go buy some food, but not a lot, if we want to get another room in Moldova and/or Ukraine."

"Why don't we just walk through Moldova, and then get a room in Ukraine? Then you can jack a car and presto. We're driving through Ukraine to get to Russia." Sounded reasonable.

"Alright. We need to jack some food from the hotel, though. No matter how mush it sucks."

-

It's Europe.

Why the _hell_ is it so frickin' hot?!

"Fuck, Mello." I said, as I lagged along, taking a drink of the milk I swiped. "This is like, torture." I saw him glance over me. He had sweat glazing the top of his forehead, forcing his hair to stick to said forehead.

"This fucking heat pisses me off." Mello hissed, wiping the sweat from his forehead. "It's like seventy degrees outside! I'm going to _tan_, dammit."

"Mello, nobody gives a damn but you. Fuck, put Near out in the sun and he'd be tan in less than thirty seconds. And don't bitch about that being yet another thing he beats you at. Tanning faster isn't exactly something to be proud of." Mello growled.

"Still-."

"Shut. _The Fuck_. Up. I don't really want to hear about you saying 'Ooh, Near is so much better than me nyeah nyeah nyeah!'" He looked surprised at the fact that I actually told him off. What. His whining was really starting to annoy me.

"Whatever…" He was silent. Holy shit I left him speechless.

'_Da da da da da da da da da da daaaa!' _The Pokemon victory song played in my head. I had finally made Mello speechless! It was like, Christmas on my birthday. I guess.

But then the irrevocable heat made me go back into pissed off mode. Fucking heat. It's Europe. It's supposed to be rainy and moist and damp and humid. Not blisteringly hot.

"I think I can see the air _moving_. Did you lace my milk with LSD?" I asked him, to which he rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"No. Why the hell would I want to?"

"Because you are a jackass." He rolled his eyes again.

"Thanks for being such a good friend, douchebag. Uhh…I see a sign. What does it say?"

"…Moldova, one mile, oh thank you Christ." Albeit, I was an Atheist, the fact that the words 'Christ' and 'God' still wouldn't leave my vocabulary no matter how hard I tried.

"Mello, come on. We've got to walk faster! It's only a mile!" I grabbed his hand and walked as fast as I could. It was only a mile. Only a mile. Only a fucking mile in this searing heat that, even though only seventy degrees, was hot for us kids who lived in England and didn't get a lot of anything besides rain. Or clouds. Or both, for that matter.

"So…close…must go faster…" We walked as fast as humanly possible. Only a little further…it was only a mile…only a mile…only a fucking mile…

'-Garglemesh-Moldova'. I could only assume it said 'Welcome to Moldova'. I smiled like a retard. Mello did the same.

And then, the next part, I don't know if I could blame it on the heat, or maybe he was just happy, or maybe he actually meant it. But I still don't know.

He kissed me.

---------------------------------

_Epic fail._

_R&R plz._


	5. V

_I reviewed my own story. I'm so fucking awesome._

_And, uh, sorry for the minor delay. I have been busy. Sort of. As you know, Super Smash Brothers Brawl just came out…_

…_blame Jenna._

_Characters © Ohba and Obata_

_---------------------------_

**Um.**

…

_Why_ am _I_ kissing _back_?

I don't know. It's a mystery. Get fucking Mulder and Skully!

And it's not that I don't like it. If I didn't, **I** **wouldn't be kissing my **_**male **_**best friend!**

…And now his tongue is in my mouth. We're tongue _hi-fiving. _Ugh. I feel like I'm in a Dane Cook joke.

And I'm not complaining. Which is weird. So I'm gay. Fan-fucking-tastic. The priest at Wammy's is going to have a field day with us. Trying to 'cure us' and shit.

He broke away after about ten minutes (not even exaggerating) and just stared at me. Like, longingly. My brain was still on long pause mode, so I was staring like a jackass.

"You know," He rolling his eyes very obviously, "if you wanted to get into my pants, you could've just told me earlier." I snapped back into reality suddenly.

"You were the one who kissed me, mind you!" Mello smirked.

"But you were the one who kissed back." He smirked again. I wanted to smack it off his pretty little face. Ugh.

"Stop with the fucking smirking. I don't care how hot it is." He rolled his eyes.

"Come on." He grabbed my hand. "We've got a ways to go."

-

So.

Um.

This day has been.

Um.

_EPIC_.

Very epic.

So I guess Mello and I are, um, boyfriends? That sounds really stupid. It doesn't sound right. Too romancey. Lovers sound like we've fucked a numerous amount of times-which we _haven't_, just for the record. Friends with benefits? No. Damn.

Oh. He's staring at me.

"What the hell are you thinking about?"

"Erm. What should we call ourselves?"

"Gay."

"Well, yes, but, as like…a couple?"

"Gay."

"Seriously!" He shrugged, eating a bar of chocolate he magically spawned from my bottomless backpack from hell.

"I don't know, nor do I give a damn. Does it really matter all that much?" I scratched the back of my head.

"Well, not really. But what will the pissants at Wammy's think?"

"Who cares? If they think we're going to hell for being gay, then let them think that. Besides, we've done enough bad things to make us go to hell in a hand basket before the whole me-kissing-you thing. Let bygones be bygones."

"You really don't care? You're a teenager; low self-esteem is essential for natural survival. You must give a damn about what people think about you." Mello snorted, obviously thinking that my remark was fucking hil_arious._

"Of course. What the hell are you in, the OC?"

"In my mind, yes."

-

It took us a couple of days to get out of Moldova. Yeah, epic getting here, bland getting out. For serious.

For cereal.

Super cereal.

Manbearpig.

Heh. Manbearpig.

Anyway.

We walked along the dirt road, with more stolen food from a hotel we stayed at. It tasted like cardboard, but hey.

Food.

Anyway, we continued to walk along the dirt road, hand in hand, and acting like the immature teenage boys we were. It's so fun to be young and stupid. Mostly stupid.

"Remember, if we come across the car, hotwire it then drive like hell, got it?" I thumbs-upped.

"Got it. Stealing things for fun and profit is for the win."

"Jesus Christ, Matt." Mello rolled his eyes. We were coming into the outskirts of some Ukrainian town. I saw a parked car by the side of the road. I grinned at Mello.

"Just don't screw up this time."

"Hn. You underestimate me."

"No, last time you forgot to fill up on gas and I had to yell at you."

"And then we turned gay."

"Right. And then we turned gay." He pushed me towards the car. "Now hotwire the damn thing. My feet hurt so damn bad." I snorted.

"Alright, _princess._"

-

So here we are again.

In a car.

-_Stolen _car.

With Mello asleep.

(Full tank of gas, _thankyouverymuch._)

And me driving. Again.

This has been the weirdest day of my entire life.

For serious.

I was starting to nod off, and I needed sleep. It was essence. But wasn't paying video games for hours on end supposed to keep me awake, giving me insomnia, therefore giving me another trait of L, giving me brownie points to be his successor? Apparently not.

"Mello. I'm pulling over." He stirred slightly, and I heard a mumbled 'Why'.

"'Cause I'm tired. Now come on; we're sleeping outside."

"Psh. You serious?"

"It's not that hot out. 'Sides, we'll both be getting some slight tans." I got out of the car, and helped him out since he was still groggy. I lay down on the hood. Well. This is safe. To the extreme.

Mello snuggled against my chest, which actually made me think this guy could be sensitive. Sensitive Mello is the new Satan. Jesus Christ, apocalypse coming.

For serious.

…

I'll stop now.

He snuggled against my chest, and I stroked his hair absentmindedly. We were under the stars. Fuck, God. Could you _get _any cornier?

But I digress.

Seeing Mello so damn peaceful…it was just…nice, for a change.

I…

…

Oh. Shit.

-----------------------

_Ha-ha. Two hot boys making out are A-okay in my book! _

_So yes. R&R. _

…_This story has gotten me two stalkers…_


	6. VI

_I reviewed my own story. I'm so fucking awesome._

_And, uh, sorry for the minor delay. I have been busy. Sort of. As you know, Super Smash Brothers Brawl just came out…_

…_blame Jenna._

_Characters © Ohba and Obata_

_---------------------------_

**Um.**

…

_Why_ am _I_ kissing _back_?

I don't know. It's a mystery. Get fucking Mulder and Skully!

And it's not that I don't like it. If I didn't, **I** **wouldn't be kissing my **_**male **_**best friend!**

…And now his tongue is in my mouth. We're tongue _hi-fiving. _Ugh. I feel like I'm in a Dane Cook joke.

And I'm not complaining. Which is weird. So I'm gay. Fan-fucking-tastic. The priest at Wammy's is going to have a field day with us. Trying to 'cure us' and shit.

He broke away after about ten minutes (not even exaggerating) and just stared at me. Like, longingly. My brain was still on long pause mode, so I was staring like a jackass.

"You know," He rolling his eyes very obviously, "if you wanted to get into my pants, you could've just told me earlier." I snapped back into reality suddenly.

"You were the one who kissed me, mind you!" Mello smirked.

"But you were the one who kissed back." He smirked again. I wanted to smack it off his pretty little face. Ugh.

"Stop with the fucking smirking. I don't care how hot it is." He rolled his eyes.

"Come on." He grabbed my hand. "We've got a ways to go."

-

So.

Um.

This day has been.

Um.

_EPIC_.

Very epic.

So I guess Mello and I are, um, boyfriends? That sounds really stupid. It doesn't sound right. Too romancey. Lovers sound like we've fucked a numerous amount of times-which we _haven't_, just for the record. Friends with benefits? No. Damn.

Oh. He's staring at me.

"What the hell are you thinking about?"

"Erm. What should we call ourselves?"

"Gay."

"Well, yes, but, as like…a couple?"

"Gay."

"Seriously!" He shrugged, eating a bar of chocolate he magically spawned from my bottomless backpack from hell.

"I don't know, nor do I give a damn. Does it really matter all that much?" I scratched the back of my head.

"Well, not really. But what will the pissants at Wammy's think?"

"Who cares? If they think we're going to hell for being gay, then let them think that. Besides, we've done enough bad things to make us go to hell in a hand basket before the whole me-kissing-you thing. Let bygones be bygones."

"You really don't care? You're a teenager; low self-esteem is essential for natural survival. You must give a damn about what people think about you." Mello snorted, obviously thinking that my remark was fucking hil_arious._

"Of course. What the hell are you in, the OC?"

"In my mind, yes."

-

It took us a couple of days to get out of Moldova. Yeah, epic getting here, bland getting out. For serious.

For cereal.

Super cereal.

Manbearpig.

Heh. Manbearpig.

Anyway.

We walked along the dirt road, with more stolen food from a hotel we stayed at. It tasted like cardboard, but hey.

Food.

Anyway, we continued to walk along the dirt road, hand in hand, and acting like the immature teenage boys we were. It's so fun to be young and stupid. Mostly stupid.

"Remember, if we come across the car, hotwire it then drive like hell, got it?" I thumbs-upped.

"Got it. Stealing things for fun and profit is for the win."

"Jesus Christ, Matt." Mello rolled his eyes. We were coming into the outskirts of some Ukrainian town. I saw a parked car by the side of the road. I grinned at Mello.

"Just don't screw up this time."

"Hn. You underestimate me."

"No, last time you forgot to fill up on gas and I had to yell at you."

"And then we turned gay."

"Right. And then we turned gay." He pushed me towards the car. "Now hotwire the damn thing. My feet hurt so damn bad." I snorted.

"Alright, _princess._"

-

So here we are again.

In a car.

-_Stolen _car.

With Mello asleep.

(Full tank of gas, _thankyouverymuch._)

And me driving. Again.

This has been the weirdest day of my entire life.

For serious.

I was starting to nod off, and I needed sleep. It was essence. But wasn't paying video games for hours on end supposed to keep me awake, giving me insomnia, therefore giving me another trait of L, giving me brownie points to be his successor? Apparently not.

"Mello. I'm pulling over." He stirred slightly, and I heard a mumbled 'Why'.

"'Cause I'm tired. Now come on; we're sleeping outside."

"Psh. You serious?"

"It's not that hot out. 'Sides, we'll both be getting some slight tans." I got out of the car, and helped him out since he was still groggy. I lay down on the hood. Well. This is safe. To the extreme.

Mello snuggled against my chest, which actually made me think this guy could be sensitive. Sensitive Mello is the new Satan. Jesus Christ, apocalypse coming.

For serious.

…

I'll stop now.

He snuggled against my chest, and I stroked his hair absentmindedly. We were under the stars. Fuck, God. Could you _get _any cornier?

But I digress.

Seeing Mello so damn peaceful…it was just…nice, for a change.

I…

…

Oh. Shit.

-----------------------

_Ha-ha. Two hot boys making out are A-okay in my book! _

_So yes. R&R. _

…_This story has gotten me two stalkers…_


	7. VII

_Jesus…_

_You guys are so damn demanding._

_Characters © Ohba and Obata_

_Oh yeah. And there's this one story called Pais Philos by Her Sweetness. It's spectacular, but it's really, really depressing. Read it if you feel like crap, I guess. _

_Oh yeah. And, I've never, ever, ever been to Russia, so…I'm winging the living hell out of this chapter. Sorry if I'm wrong on some things._

_--_

**Why **does my life have to suck so badly?

I'm a damn orphan.

-Sort of.

I'm gay. (And Christian. I think. Um…)

Committed about thirteen crimes in the last two weeks.

Walked about fifty miles.

Ended up in Greece when I was supposed to be in god-freaking Russia. (Still the gayest thing ever.)

And I almost found my freaking mother, but I was a stupid asshole and lost her in a crowd within two minutes. (_Seriously!_)

So here I am.

Next to a car.

With my boyfriend…? (Upward inflection added because I still don't know what to classify our relationship as.)

I need better connections.

I stopped crying a while ago. Mello was asleep again, and I absent mindedly stroked his hair. I mostly just thought about the shit that had happened to me throughout this entire 'adventure'. Adventure my ass.

More like 'emotionally, physically, and mentally scarring experience'.

Much more accurate.

I saw the sun start to peek over the horizon. I poked Mello in the neck.

"Nngh…"

"We should be going."

"Hnmm? Oh. 'Kay." I dragged him into the passenger's seat, since he was too groggy to even walk, let alone drive.

I drove the car to god-knows where. I hardly knew where I was going. Driving aimlessly on a highway seems pretty safe.

I saw a sign that said 10 miles to Russia. I smirked.

Thank. Freaking. Xenu. Zeus. God. Shiva. Jesus. Jenova. And the other entire God's that I can think of.

Finally.

Al-most freaking there.

So close and yet so far away.

I looked over at Mello, who was had a peaceful look on his face. Not at all the look he had when we saw '2girls1cup' together.

Ew. I might throw up just thinking about it. Sure, it was kinda hot…ish. But, eating fecal matter was pretty fucked up.

I drove on, looking for a sign that showed any significance to what I needed. Distance to Russia.

Huzzars! Going ninety-miles-and-hour (I think…) in this car has helped greatly! Only five more miles.

Only…

Only…

Only…

Go faster, you freaking car. Why do Europeans suck at mechanics?

Ugh.

But I digress…

Wait…

Waitwaitwaitwaitwaitwaitwait.

Sign?

A sign?

'Добро пожаловать в россия'. I didn't know what the hell that meant, but I assume it meant 'Welcome to Russia'.

I smiled.

No, not smirking.

I smiled.

-

"Hey Mello," I turned to him, he was awake now and we were in some Russian town. Not Moscow, obviously, but one large enough, "you know Russian, right? What's 'Hotel' or even better, 'library'?"

"I'll look. Well, it's about damn time we finally got here."

"Sweet Jesus, you said it."

"I mean, we walked about fifty miles just to get to from freaking Bulgaria or some shit to Moldova, and then we turned gay-."

"Can't forget about that important detail."

"Indeed. And then we finally get to god-freaking Russia." Mello spawned a chocolate bar-

No. Seriously. He actually _spawned _it from _thin air. _What the fuck.

Heneway.

"Oh. Matt, there's a Library over there." I drove over to where Mello pointed, and parked the stolen car near it.

"You're coming with me."

"What? Why?"

"Translation. Since you pwn noobs at language, I need your help translation since I can only say pants in Spanish."

"What is it?"

"Pantalones."

"Ugh. Fine, you lazy bastard. Learn some damn languages."

"Pantalones, Mello! Pantalones!" He narrowed his eyes, and slammed the car door, heading towards the entrance of the library. I walked inside.

It was bigger than the standard library. Two winding staircases leading up to different sections, and rows and columns of books to the right and left of me. In-between the staircases were three large windows, apparently screening the fact that they had hordes upon hordes of books.

…Why would you gloat about that?

But I digress.

Mello asked the librarian where the computers where. She pointed to the right, up the right staircase. We trudged up the stairs, and got to an open compy.

"Kay, what's internet?" He pointed to the Internet Explorer symbol.

"Obviously, the one that looks like the internet. Smart one." I rolled my eyes, clicking on the one that had the little E with the thing going around it.

"Okay, so…I should search Elizabeth and Edward Jeevas…loading…dammit, load f'n faster…"

As soon as it finished loading (stupid DSL connection…why do libraries always have sucky connections?) Mello and I widened our eyes.

"Holy…holy _shit._" I managed to squeeze out. Dude, I never expected…

5,907,098 results. (Granted, a few of them probably weren't for my parents but…seriously. _Still._)

"Matt, what the hell are your parents?"

"I…don't…really…_know_…"

"Then find _out_. Click on of the damn links." I did as told, and clicked on of the many links.

"Holy…they're _actors_?"

"Damn famous ones, apparently." It was true. Apparently, from the articles Mello translated for me, they were, like, the John Wayne and Merryl Streep of Russia. Really good actors. But why was mom staying at that budget hotel?

Oh. Maybe 'cause she didn't want, like, paparazzi coming after her or something.

Anyway.

"Jesus…" Mello said, eyes widening at the fact that _my parents were actors._

"Okay, well, that answers some questions. Now just to find out where they live." Mello grimaced, and moved his position from standing to leaning on the back of my chair.

"Idiot. It's going to be near-impossible to find there address on the internet."

"Au contraire, mon ami. It's the _internet_. You can find _anything_-no matter what country you're in."

"Okay, time to search the internet…"

-

Three. Goddamn. Hours.

THREE HOURS.

Stupid internet.

It tells you anything, but…

A DSL connection is gay.

And will always be gay.

It took us three goddamn hours to find my parent's address.

Apparently, some guy stalks them (denies it, but we all really know the truth) and found out their real address, and posted it in his blog. It was all in Russian, so Mello translated it all for me.

"Well Matt, we're getting pretty damn close." I smiled, and for a second…

Just a second, everything seemed to be okay.

-

_Non-angsty chapter. I liked it. But I keep going back to my random and retarded self, when I wanted to keep Matt's personality reminiscent of Holden Caulfield. _

_R&R bitches._


	8. VIII

_Jesus…_

_You guys are so damn demanding._

_Characters © Ohba and Obata_

_Oh yeah. And there's this one story called Pais Philos by Her Sweetness. It's spectacular, but it's really, really depressing. Read it if you feel like crap, I guess. _

_Oh yeah. And, I've never, ever, ever been to Russia, so…I'm winging the living hell out of this chapter. Sorry if I'm wrong on some things._

_--_

**Why **does my life have to suck so badly?

I'm a damn orphan.

-Sort of.

I'm gay. (And Christian. I think. Um…)

Committed about thirteen crimes in the last two weeks.

Walked about fifty miles.

Ended up in Greece when I was supposed to be in god-freaking Russia. (Still the gayest thing ever.)

And I almost found my freaking mother, but I was a stupid asshole and lost her in a crowd within two minutes. (_Seriously!_)

So here I am.

Next to a car.

With my boyfriend…? (Upward inflection added because I still don't know what to classify our relationship as.)

I need better connections.

I stopped crying a while ago. Mello was asleep again, and I absent mindedly stroked his hair. I mostly just thought about the shit that had happened to me throughout this entire 'adventure'. Adventure my ass.

More like 'emotionally, physically, and mentally scarring experience'.

Much more accurate.

I saw the sun start to peek over the horizon. I poked Mello in the neck.

"Nngh…"

"We should be going."

"Hnmm? Oh. 'Kay." I dragged him into the passenger's seat, since he was too groggy to even walk, let alone drive.

I drove the car to god-knows where. I hardly knew where I was going. Driving aimlessly on a highway seems pretty safe.

I saw a sign that said 10 miles to Russia. I smirked.

Thank. Freaking. Xenu. Zeus. God. Shiva. Jesus. Jenova. And the other entire God's that I can think of.

Finally.

Al-most freaking there.

So close and yet so far away.

I looked over at Mello, who was had a peaceful look on his face. Not at all the look he had when we saw '2girls1cup' together.

Ew. I might throw up just thinking about it. Sure, it was kinda hot…ish. But, eating fecal matter was pretty fucked up.

I drove on, looking for a sign that showed any significance to what I needed. Distance to Russia.

Huzzars! Going ninety-miles-and-hour (I think…) in this car has helped greatly! Only five more miles.

Only…

Only…

Only…

Go faster, you freaking car. Why do Europeans suck at mechanics?

Ugh.

But I digress…

Wait…

Waitwaitwaitwaitwaitwaitwait.

Sign?

A sign?

'Добро пожаловать в россия'. I didn't know what the hell that meant, but I assume it meant 'Welcome to Russia'.

I smiled.

No, not smirking.

I smiled.

-

"Hey Mello," I turned to him, he was awake now and we were in some Russian town. Not Moscow, obviously, but one large enough, "you know Russian, right? What's 'Hotel' or even better, 'library'?"

"I'll look. Well, it's about damn time we finally got here."

"Sweet Jesus, you said it."

"I mean, we walked about fifty miles just to get to from freaking Bulgaria or some shit to Moldova, and then we turned gay-."

"Can't forget about that important detail."

"Indeed. And then we finally get to god-freaking Russia." Mello spawned a chocolate bar-

No. Seriously. He actually _spawned _it from _thin air. _What the fuck.

Heneway.

"Oh. Matt, there's a Library over there." I drove over to where Mello pointed, and parked the stolen car near it.

"You're coming with me."

"What? Why?"

"Translation. Since you pwn noobs at language, I need your help translation since I can only say pants in Spanish."

"What is it?"

"Pantalones."

"Ugh. Fine, you lazy bastard. Learn some damn languages."

"Pantalones, Mello! Pantalones!" He narrowed his eyes, and slammed the car door, heading towards the entrance of the library. I walked inside.

It was bigger than the standard library. Two winding staircases leading up to different sections, and rows and columns of books to the right and left of me. In-between the staircases were three large windows, apparently screening the fact that they had hordes upon hordes of books.

…Why would you gloat about that?

But I digress.

Mello asked the librarian where the computers where. She pointed to the right, up the right staircase. We trudged up the stairs, and got to an open compy.

"Kay, what's internet?" He pointed to the Internet Explorer symbol.

"Obviously, the one that looks like the internet. Smart one." I rolled my eyes, clicking on the one that had the little E with the thing going around it.

"Okay, so…I should search Elizabeth and Edward Jeevas…loading…dammit, load f'n faster…"

As soon as it finished loading (stupid DSL connection…why do libraries always have sucky connections?) Mello and I widened our eyes.

"Holy…holy _shit._" I managed to squeeze out. Dude, I never expected…

5,907,098 results. (Granted, a few of them probably weren't for my parents but…seriously. _Still._)

"Matt, what the hell are your parents?"

"I…don't…really…_know_…"

"Then find _out_. Click on of the damn links." I did as told, and clicked on of the many links.

"Holy…they're _actors_?"

"Damn famous ones, apparently." It was true. Apparently, from the articles Mello translated for me, they were, like, the John Wayne and Merryl Streep of Russia. Really good actors. But why was mom staying at that budget hotel?

Oh. Maybe 'cause she didn't want, like, paparazzi coming after her or something.

Anyway.

"Jesus…" Mello said, eyes widening at the fact that _my parents were actors._

"Okay, well, that answers some questions. Now just to find out where they live." Mello grimaced, and moved his position from standing to leaning on the back of my chair.

"Idiot. It's going to be near-impossible to find there address on the internet."

"Au contraire, mon ami. It's the _internet_. You can find _anything_-no matter what country you're in."

"Okay, time to search the internet…"

-

Three. Goddamn. Hours.

THREE HOURS.

Stupid internet.

It tells you anything, but…

A DSL connection is gay.

And will always be gay.

It took us three goddamn hours to find my parent's address.

Apparently, some guy stalks them (denies it, but we all really know the truth) and found out their real address, and posted it in his blog. It was all in Russian, so Mello translated it all for me.

"Well Matt, we're getting pretty damn close." I smiled, and for a second…

Just a second, everything seemed to be okay.

-

_Non-angsty chapter. I liked it. But I keep going back to my random and retarded self, when I wanted to keep Matt's personality reminiscent of Holden Caulfield. _

_R&R bitches._


	9. IX

Ice: Hey

_Ice: Hey! Guess what!_

_We're near the end. Not the last chapter, but kinda close._

_© Obata and Ohba_

_-_

**Well.**

Thank God for the internet.

Sure, it spawned horrible, horrible demons (I'm looking at _you_, Chris Crocker) but some awesome things too (dramatic prairie dog and Gorgeous tiny chicken machine show) but it has the best things on there, albeit kinda creepy.

Stalkers.

Oh thank God for stalkers.

Without them, I wouldn't have found my parents!

So, stalkers around the world, I thank you.

Um.

Yeah.

Any_way_.

"So…the city Minsk…? What the hell. Freaking guys naming it were either gay or high." Mello rolled his eyes.

"Uh, would you _mind _evaluating?"

"Well, for starters, it sounds like Minx, which is a fur or somethin', and only gay people like that."

"Matt, you are a douchebag."

"And yet, you love me anyway. And, minxes are stupid. Foxes are better."

"They're like the same thing!"

"You see, that's what a gay person would say."

"Are you **blind?!**"

"Oh yeah. Right." I drove on, while I listened to Mello's bitching for a few hours. I swear; Mello's a girl permanently on his menstrual cycle.

Or, maybe one of the nurses at Wammy's accidentally injected him with a spare syringe of estrogen and progesterone.

Seems quite accurate…

"Hey Mello, do you know where Minsk is?"

"Yes, I go there weekly."

"Really?"

"Hell no. Matt, you naïve bastard. I've been to Russia before, but I've never been to goddamned Minsk."

"Well…we're…pretty…fucked, aren't we?"

"We made it this far just by driving around aimlessly."

"True, but…the library computer says it's a relatively small town, and the only thing to do there is to go to this one mall, and awe at the sight of my parents' kickass mansion."

"Hasn't there been an alarming number of car crashes?"

"Yep, but it's totally irrelevant to the awe in mansion stuff." Mello looked away slightly, probably thinking I was either a dumbass or a douchebag.

…

A…A douchebass?

Anyway.

We strove on epically, (because that's the only way we strive. We're like Jay and Silent Bob, only more awesome) trying to find a freaking sign that said 'Minsk dotdotdot miles'. But freaking Russia is huge, and jam-packed, and it makes me want to kill myself with all the depressed people. I mean, being depressed sucks, but, like, tell a priest and a rabbi joke or something.

And the sky is, like, overcast. I wonder what Al Gore would say about this…

…Heh…Manbearpig. Half man, half bearpig.

Okay Matt. That's enough. South Park is raping your soul and brain.

Heneway-

Oh thank Thor, I can see a sign.

'Minsk-95'

Ninety-five miles? That's not horrible, I guess. I mean, considering where we are, we're probably like, near the border of Russia. Or something. I was always horrible at geography.

Fuck, one of the only things I can remember about my parents was the fact that my dad-Edward, I guess-told me to learn the names of the streets, 'cause he'd be quizzing me about them when I was going to learn to drive.

Which was, to say the least, weird.

Heneway.

I continued to drive, and Mello glared out the windshield with-

The _Fuck?_

He spawned another chocolate bar. I looked over at him two seconds ago, and he didn't have one, and hen two seconds later, he _magically generates one. _

If Mello's a superhero, he'd be dead in three seconds flat.

I focused on the road, and went as fast as I could to get to Minsk. God_damn. _Only ninety-five miles until I get to meet my parents, and hopefully cry in front of them, forcing them to feel guilty.

…Damn. I'm a bad person.

'Nyway.

I drove as fast as I could in the stolen car, hoping to reach Minsk as soon as I could. I looked over at Mello, who had fallen asleep. He looked so adorable.

Saying that out loud, however, will probably make my death imminent.

I strove (exclamation point!) on, trying to find a damn sign again. Damn, why can't all cars come with free navigation systems? It'd make everythin' a whole lot easier.

But, like, if you were coming upon a large ravine, it'd be like _'you are approaching: nothing'_

So. Back on track.

I got in front of some asshole who was chatting away on his cell phone. Cell phones cause more car crashes, jerk.

Goddamned morons.

As I continued to swear aloud and complain about traffic like an old person would complain about young people, I glanced at Mello again, who looked like a freaking angel.

I am a lowly peasant, whilst he is Apollo.

Or, in his case, Aphrodite.

(Ba-zing.)

I continued to drive epically-

Well, this is quite boring. Jesus, I'm talking about driving. Maybe God will have something excite-

SHIT!

A car almost swerved into me! I didn't actually mean it, God!

I had to jerk to the right, waking Mello up and causing all hell to erupt.

"Matt! What the _hell_ did you do?"

"Okay, I thought this guy was listing lazily to the right, but turns out he was trying to _kill us_, so I did the reasonable thing and saved both of our lives, so we wouldn't be, you know, _**dead**_." Mello grimaced, and folded his arms, staring out the window as if it had done something horrible to him in any part of his lifetime.

"You woke me up, dammit."

"Yeah, and I kinda regret it. You don't bitch at me when you're asleep, and you look so cute, too." Mello blushed, and looked out the window.

"I'm not cute, dammit. I'm badass."

"I'm sure you are." He growled.

"You can't jump me, you know. I am driving; therefore we _will_ be killed most heinously."

"Hn. I'll have to wait for later, then." I rolled my eyes, and blushed slightly.

"Suggesting something, are we?"

"Underage sex, perhaps."

"Mello, you slut. Wait until you're eighteen to rape me, dammit."

"You can't rape the willing, Jeevas."

…Fuck. How the hell do I retort to that? It's not in my arsenal of _snappy comebacks. _And a 'your mom' thing would be horribly out of taste.

"Uh…_fuck._ Fine, you win."

"I always do." I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, whatever. Keep telling yourself that and maybe you'll get somewhere." Mello grunted.

"I'm sure I will. Oh hey, look, there's a sign." Minsk-80. Hn. Not horribly long. Sort of.

I guess.

Dammit God, make this car go fast.

It's gay.

It's…really…really…really gay.

-

Fuccccck.

It's been, like, _three hours._

Fuck it, eighty miles is a goddamn lot.

Frick. It's long and strenuous.

But finally-_finally_, we made it to Minsk.

…

Now, I guess, all that's left is to get to the house.

…

Oh God…

Help me now.

-

_Ice: :D!_

_K, so, review bitches._


	10. X

_Ice: Near the end, folks. Bitching will not be tolerated, so whine about it and I make the wait for the end longer, ne?_

_Characters © Ohba and Obata_

_-_

_**Thump. **__Thump. Thump. Thump._

Dammit heart, will you shut the fuck _up?_

Mello and I abandoned the car in some back alley way, hoping to give some homeless guy a good jolly. A place to stay for a while, I guess. And if he can hotwire, then whoop-de-friggin-do.

Right now, I'm standing nervously in front of my parents' mansion, with Mello holding my hand as if _that _would possibly calm me down. I am literally seconds from going inside and going like 'Oh, I'm your son. You abandoned me at some crappy orphanage and I had to steadily build myself up the rankings to succeed a guy I've never met. Oh yeah, and I'm a fag.'

…

Well dammit, I'm pretty screwed. If that's my introduction, then…well…

Fuck.

Oh well. At least I still have my Ikarishipping. Paul, you handsome devil.

…

I need to stop. I'm freaking out in my assholeish manner. Okay Mail, just breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out…Oh dammit, stop walking towards the freaking mansion!

Freaking legs!

Stop it.

Stop it, dammit.

Stop it!

Fuck.

Stop knocking on the door.

Dammit Mello, _stop encouraging me!_

Frick.

Fuck.

_FUCK._

"Uh…hi?" Edward, apparently. He was tall, thin, messy brown hair, brown button-down-shirt, and jeans on, obviously in casual wear. He had green eyes, and a pale face, Heart-shaped face, medium-sized nose, and a thin mouth. He was pretty much the way I pictured Edward from Twilight when Linda forced me to read it.

"…"

"Look, if you're here to send us fan mail or something, I'm gonna have to call the cops."

"N-No. It-it's just…well…I-."

"What?" Edward perched an eyebrow, thinking what the _hell _was wrong with this kid.

"Well…"

"I'm your son."

-

I was immediately invited in, and Edward nearly got tears to his eyes. He gave me an awkward father-son hug. Well, one-sided I guess. I was standing there limply, mind a bit blank.

"Here, come in….?" He looked over at Mello. "Who's this?"

"This is Mello. He's……well, I'll explain it later." I walked in the large front door. They didn't have any butlers and only two maids, but the house was horribly large. They were humble or something, I guess.

"Mail-."

"Don't call me by that."

"But Mail, it's your name!"

"Just don't."

"A-alright. Let me get Eli-your mother."

We both sat uncomfortably on the couch. I was in an odd state of mind at the moment. It was weird. Like, when you're hypnotized or something. Just staring blankly with bunch of crap going on inside my head.

"Mail, this is your mother. Elizabeth." Elizabeth was pretty. Beautiful, I guess. Long blonde hair, soft blue eyes, perfect skin, a heart shaped face, and medium height.

"M-Mail…It's…" Her eyes were welling up. Oh God, this is going to be painful.

"Look, uh…_mom_, I kinda have some questions I need to be answered."

"Oh, um, of course, Mail. But I have one before you ask. Who…" She motioned to Mello, "Who is this?"

"Oh. Um…he's a friend…and…uh, you know. Gay lover." Edward blinked, whilst Elizabeth stared, and laughed nervously.

"Well, whatever makes you happy…Now, ask us whatever you want." I stared at the ground.

"Why did you abandon me?" I said, barely a whisper. Neither could make eye contact.

"We…we didn't want to. We honestly didn't." His voice croaked.

"I did…drugs when I was in England after I had you. I…honestly don't know why I got into them. I gave you up to an orphanage to hope that someone better adopted you. Edward supported me wholly. After that, I found roles in television shows, eventually skyrocketing both of us into fame. Mail, please…you must understand why I did this. I did it for you."

"But…you…you don't know what that place was like. I had to do so much…"

"Mail…we're so sorry…we _will_ adopt you, we promise." My eyes drifted to stoic Mello.

"But…what about Mello?"

"…I'm sorry, Matt." My eyes drifted to the ground as a tear slowly glided down my cheek.

"I can't just leave him…" Edward put a hand on my shoulder.

"Mail, we just…can't. Mello, do you understand." Mello nodded slowly.

"Mello, we'll let you stay here tonight, and we'll pay for your plane flight. Alright?"

"Al…Alright…"

There was a long, awkward silence. I felt very uncomfortable.

I just now heard that I will never see my best friend/gay lover again after today.

Well.

Aren't we just in a pile of shit?

-

-_Pnk-_

Ughhhh. What the hell?

I looked towards my window to see tiny rocks being flung out my window. Tiny rocks?

Dammit.

I opened up the window to see a gender confused blond throwing rocks at my window.

"Mello!" I hissed, "What the hell are you doing?!"

"Get your ass down here!" I grumbled, and made my way down a conveniently placed tree. Like those treasure chests in Zelda that those bosses just _happen _to _misplace._

"What the _hell _do you want?"

"Proper goodbye, a-hole."

"Yeah, I love you too. Did you steal some of my parents' money?"

"Yep." The sarcasm and smart-retarded comments ended there.

"Well…" I looked down. "Guess this is goodbye." I laughed awkwardly, a few tears sliding down my cheeks. Mello wiped them off.

"Don't worry, Matt. I swear we'll meet up again." Mello pulled me into a kiss. It wasn't one of those lust-filled ones that we usually shared. It was one of those melancholy ones. You know; the ones in those movies where the lovers have a dramatic kiss after one is going to do a life-threatening stunt.

Yeah. Like that.

Mello gave me a sad smile, one that I'd rarely ever seen, and walked away.

I couldn't sleep that night.

I was too busy crying.

-

_Ice: Wow. This chapter was uber emo._

_I apologize for the emo._

_Thanks to Jen for the help and Isabel for all her positive remarks._

_Sarcasm._

_R&R my bitches._


	11. XI

_Ice: WHOO. _

_Last chapter._

_DAMMIT, now I can FINALLY start on another chapter fic that's burning the inside of my brain._

_© Ohba and Obata_

_Oh yeah, and Mello is 'co-boss' because, in the manga, nobody ever actually referred to him as boss. They referred to Rod._

_-_

**My** parents died three months later.

Car crash. Uber gay.

So, I was sent back to Wammy's.

Mello left a week or so after I came back. L, our deity filled with awesomeness and lollipops, died at the hands of Kira.

I was more than a bit pissed.

Before my parents died, I was put on every celebrity entertainment show in every part of the world. It was disgruntling. I had to travel every-freaking-where.

But then they died. I guess that was one of the perks, besides the eight tons of tears I produced.

My life just got suckier and suckier.

Three years later, I left the orphanage as an adult, determined to find a gender confused blond.

Turns out he was kinda wanted as a criminal. But, honestly, I didn't give a damn.

A year or so later, I found Mello, who was working in the mafia as a 'co-boss' or some shit. He was apparently some guy named Rod's right hand man.

He blew himself up, and Mello magically spawned my phone number to tell me to get out here and pick him up, dammit.

Mello had changed a lot since Wammy's. His determination to beat Near had grown to almost an apocalyptic size that, if he thought about beating the albino any longer, his head would explode from frustration and goo and chocolate would burst from said head.

At any rate, I am now Mello's 'partner'. In more ways than one, I guess.

But let me say this-my _god_, that tranny got a helluva lot kinkier. Uhh…my God…

So a few months later, Mello hatched a nefarious plan to kidnap this one bimbo, Takada. After watching hours upon hours of videos with Misa-fucking-Misa, it was actually nice to leave the apartment for once.

We sat in silence on the day before leaving, and Mello looked at his chocolate as if it were a foreign object. The 'big day' must've messed with his brain or somethin'.

So we both take off, have one more damn kiss, and I shoot the smoke bomb at the black-haired bitch.

Mello takes her, I'm being tailed and bam.

Corned in some street that I don't even know the name of.

And they all had their guns pointed square at my chest.

…

Well…

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

This.

Really.

Blows.

Matt, initiate sweet talk. Then use smoke bomb and initiate operation get the fuck out of there.

"Hey, where did the Japanese police get such nice arms? Look, I have information on Takada's kidnapping, so you wouldn't shoot-."

Ahaha. Sweet, cruel irony. They shot more than one-hundred rounds at me.

Sadists.

So, here I am, seconds within dying and reflecting on my life.

Sort of.

I've literally got, like, seconds to live and I'm remembering the greatest adventure I've ever had.

So I guess being third wasn't all that bad.

It got some perks, I suppose.

Maybe, just maybe, in another lifetime, everything'll be okay. Everybody would have parents and nobody would have to deal with Kira.

Hey Mihael, I guess I'll see you in hell.

And hopefully…we'll have a damn…a damn good time there…

-

_Ice: Finally done._

_Thanks to Jen for the help, Isa for her forcing me out of my laziness and actually forcing me to do something-aside from being apathetic, and to you!_

_My reviewers. Can't end a story without that, or else I'd be going to spend and eternity in hell I guess._

_Thanks guys. :D _


	12. Diantre

_Ice: Yeah, ending sucked. Horribly. Blame my bad writing skills!_

_So here's to you, you retarded screaming fans who I love so very dearly._

_© Ohba and Obata_

_Sorry if I offend anybody. _

_Oh, and if anybody wants to sequel this story, be my guest. Just let me know first, cause I'm sure as hell never gonna sequel this._

_-_

Le sigh.

So here we are-

Because you didn't actually think that we would be going to heaven, did you?

Lying on the ground.

In hell.

…Man, I need more friends.

We both stared at the burning sky, voices screaming in the distance.

"You know…today seems better than it was yesterday. Satan seems a bit less hateful."

"A tad. He hasn't been using his powers to kill unborn babies."

"True." We continued to stare up at the sky.

"You know," Mello turned on his side, "I was a stupid jackass thinking we could actually get away with the Takada thing alive." I grunted.

"Yeah, pretty much. You were a dumbass, that's for sure."

"Eh…" I kissed him on the lips.

"Yes, but you're MY dumbass, which makes the title somehow more meaningful." He rolled his eyes.

"Sure."

More screams. God, will they shut the fuck up? They might be getting tortured, but they are ruining a perfectly good conversation of insults!

"I hope the meteor of death doesn't come and hit us today…"

"Aw dammit. Too late."

Here domes the meteor of death, once again hurting us.

This was going to be one long eternity.

-

"Matt…please…wake up…" I heard the voice of Mello, and random generic hospital beeps. I saw a white ceiling, and looked to a praying Mello.

"Mello…?"

"Matt. Are you…awake?"

"Uh, did I fall asleep?" Mello's eyes became a tad enraged.

"Yes! Takada's body guards shot you and you almost died! You were in a coma for, like, ever!"

"Did…I find my parents?"

"Yeah. They died in a car crash, remember?" He looked disheveled. His hair was tangled, and he smelled like crap. I guess he does give a damn about my well being.

"Dammit, that was one stupid idea, yes?"

"Very. Never do it again."

"Pretty much established, yes."

-

…

I guess this isn't the end after all.

Maybe it's just like those movies that are really good, and end up with a horrible sequel. (I'm looking at **you**,_ Speed_.)

So maybe my legend will live on.

Legend or something.

Right.

-

_Ice: Once again, thanks Is, Jen for forcing me, and reviewers. _

_R&R peeps. Last chapter, true and true._


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